The recession has hit everybody really hard...

- My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

- Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

- Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

- A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

- I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

- If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

- McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

- A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

- A picture is now only worth 200 words.

- When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

- The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

- Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.